


your body is yours, at the end of the day

by chaeiz (sparklingmini)



Category: IZONE (Band)
Genre: F/F, N E WAY, Nonbinary Character, This Is For You, hi irl friends if you’re reading this, i just needed to p r o j e c t, i should stop going on and on in the tags, i want supportive friends, i’d like to thank chaewon for existing, minju best girlfriend, nonbinary chaewon, she’s so supportive, sorry - Freeform, this is basically MY coming out, to support me through this, we love minju in this family, you’re the reason i have the courage to do this, yujin shows up for less than five seconds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:48:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25800847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparklingmini/pseuds/chaeiz
Summary: “ah, she’s my girlfriend.” ah, she’s my girlfriend. chaewon can’t help but think how uncomfortable she feels right now.she couldn’t blame minju though, no way, chaewon loves her with all her heart.chaewon doesn’t know where she started feeling that she/her pronouns didn’t seem to click with her anymore, but she knows that now, she’s not feeling too comfortable with those pronouns.
Relationships: Kim Chaewon (IZONE)/Kim Minju
Comments: 5
Kudos: 28





	your body is yours, at the end of the day

**Author's Note:**

> hi. this is basically my coming out, hi, i’m nonbinary now. it’s really nice to finally feel free like this now. it’s out in the open, and i can finally feel comfortable with what i’ve got now.
> 
> this is for my irl friends, thank you for supporting me in whatever i do, i really appreciate it and i hope you enjoy this.
> 
> title from: body was made - ezra furman

“ah, she’s my girlfriend.” ah, _she’s_ my _girlfriend._ chaewon can’t help but think how uncomfortable she feels right now.

she couldn’t blame minju though, no way, chaewon loves her with all her heart.

chaewon doesn’t know where she started feeling that _she/her_ pronouns didn’t seem to _click_ with her anymore, but she knows that _now,_ she’s not feeling _too_ comfortable with those pronouns.

“oh, i see then.” _ah, what’s happening?_ chaewon spaced out a bit there, _what’s going on? who is this person?_

“i’m sorry if you got the wrong impression yujin-ah, but i’m quite happy with her.”

 _oh, i see now._ minju has always been popular with the people around their school. _she’s too nice,_ it’s what attracts them, and she has to politely turn them down, because _somehow_ they still can’t get it through their heads that the two of them are together and in a happy relationship.

right from the very first moment chaewon saw minju, she thought she was _stunning._ minju was basically chaewon’s lesbian awakening. it didn’t help that at the time, minju had a boyfriend.

the girl chaewon had a crush on had a _boyfriend_ and was _straight? not starting off on the right foot, chaewon,_ she had scolded herself.

to be honest, chaewon doesn’t even remember how they got together, it is a blur of memories at this point. the feeling of butterflies in her stomach and the happiness on minju’s face despite knowing that chaewon was confessing to her.

why minju likes her back will forever be a mystery for chaewon, that might remain that way forever.

but that’s not what we’re here for. chaewon is having an _identity crisis_ and she doesn’t know where to turn. none of her friends are non-binary, or trans, so she’s _stuck._ south korea isn’t that _happy_ with those types of people anyway, so _where_ can chaewon fucking go?

“minju-ya,” she says quietly, right after yujin leaves, “can we go now?”

“oh, sure unnie.”

they’re at the shops, they don’t have any food and home and minju dragged chaewon out against her will.

as if noticing her discomfort, minju wraps her arms around chaewon for a hug.

“i’m sorry chae-unnie,” minju apologises, “i’m sorry if yujin-ah made you uncomfortable.”

“no, it’s ok, let’s just go home.” it’s not that chaewon is scared that minju is going to leave her, she’s long past that phase of thinking that pretty and nice minju is going to leave her for someone else.

what she _really_ feels now, is that minju will leave her for finding out she’s having _these_ feelings.

they walk home in silence, minju has two bags in her right hand and chaewon has two in her left hand. their empty hands are clasped onto each other.

when chaewon looks over to minju, she looks back. minju opens her mouth to say something, but closes it instead.

“minju-ya?” chaewon questions. “are you ok?”

“no, are _you_ ok?” minju questions back to her, and chaewon’s eyes open in surprise.

“w-what do you mean ju-ya?” chaewon stutters, and _fuck,_ now she really _will_ think something’s going on.

“you’ve been acting really weird when someone comes up to confess to me, do you feel like i’ll leave you for one of them?”

 _oh, thank_ god, _that’s all minju thinks,_ “no? why would you think that ju-ya? i know you’re happy with me.”

“ok unnie, as long as you know i love you.”

“i know, minju, i love you too.”

they continue home in comfortable silence.

—

chaewon has searched the internet to see if she was really right for wanting to call herself non-binary. she’s not _too_ uncomfortable with the use of _she/her,_ they/them is what she wants to use now though, it’s what she’s more comfortable with. 

what chaewon’s problem is, she’s worried that still using she/her will not make her non-binary, then what?

she can’t just go around feeling uncomfortable like this for the rest of her life, but she assumes she’s stuck using _she/her_ pronouns for the rest of her life. _just pick a side,_ chaewon’s mind thinks angrily.

there’s no way that chaewon is “non-binary” enough.

“unnie? what are you looking at?” chaewon quickly slams the lid down on her laptop and turns to her girlfriend with an obviously fake smile on her face.

“nothing! i’m fine!” she yells, chuckling nervously, “there is absolutely nothing wrong, i’m completely fine, look at me, i’m still your she/her pronoun using girlfriend—”

“you know, unnie,” minju stops chaewon’s useless rambling, “if you’re non-binary, or even trans, i’m not going to be mad you know. i may be a lesbian, but i’m always wiling to change if you’re uncomfortable in your own body.”

“no! no! i’m completely ok! she/her is still my pronouns, ha ha, i’m still a cisgender woman, that’s me!”

“o-kay, are you sure unnie?” chaewon nods furiously, “alright, if you need to tell me anything, i’m wandering around the house.”

minju slowly leaves the room, with chaewon swiveling around on her desk chair to once again open her laptop and continue her basically useless search on whether she can still be non-binary and go by she/her pronouns.

—

making a twitter account may have been the most relieving thing chaewon could have ever done. she had never gotten the app because everyone she knew told her it was hard to use.

if she’s being honest, it took her barely any time to use it, and her screen time has gone _way_ up, even passing instagram, because she keeps using it all the time.

without even knowing it, all her timeline is being filled up with is her favourite kpop group and the gay side of twitter, with every second tweet being this lesbian couple who posts adorable pictures every other day, and tweets about their day.

she’s having a wonderful time being on twitter, it’s been a real delight to feel accepted _somewhere._

what she’s still missing, though, despite scrolling through the gay side of twitter 24/7, she _still_ hasn’t come across anything relating even _slighly_ to the gender spectrum. god, she’s even gone past some of the most _obscure_ sexualities ever.

it’s time she’s done some searching herself, she _needs_ to go searching herself.

she starts by searching “nonbinary” into her search bar, she’s always seen that twitter is the better place to go searching, because you could even find tweets someone’s made years back as well.

at first, she doesn’t find much, it’s just “don’t hate on nonbinary people or i’ll eat your children”, so there isn’t much for chaewon to go off of.

and then there it is, the tweets telling her it’s _ok_ for her to be using they/them _along_ with she/her and _still_ be non-binary.

_“the nonbinary experience isn’t exclusively or even mainly ’they/them’.”_

and suddenly, chaewon feels _understood,_ for once in her life. one by one, the tweets slowly show up, some tiktoks even show up, telling her that it’s _ok_ for her to be feeling like this.

“unnie! why are you crying, oh god,” minju rushes to be next to her girlfriend and chaewon doesn’t remember when she had started crying. she pushes chaewon’s head to the crook of her neck, and chaewon sobs at the warmth. “unnie… what’s wrong?”

“i-i’m not ready yet.”

“i see, unnie, well, whenever you’re ready to tell me, i’m wandering around the house.”

chaewon chuckles at her girlfriend’s little catchphrase. _it’s adorable, along with minju._

“that’s the chae-unnie i love to hear.” minju says as chawon lifts her head from the crook of minju’s neck.

“let’s sleep, ju-yah, i wanna take a rest from my thoughts.”

minju nods her head and lays back in their shared queen-sized bed. chaewon’s just nodding off when minju speaks quietly for the last time, “i’m always here, chae-unnie.” and it leaves chaewon sleeping with a smile on her face.

—

it has been a few weeks since chaewon has figured out what’s been happening, and has been getting more comfortable with it.

and now, they’re finally ready to tell their loved one.

“minju-ya,” chaewon says lightly, to their partner who sits at the dining room table, book in hand, “i want to tell you something, i’m ready to tell you.”

minju smiles lightly, swiping her hair behind her ear, “i’m all ears baby.”

chaewon takes a deep breath and starts, “i’m non-binary, and i go by they/them pronouns now. you can still call me by she/her, but i’m comfortable with using they/them more than the other.”

“oh, of course baby— oh, wait, are you ok with that? what pet names are you ok with?”

“anything non-gendered is better, but i’m comfortable using the pet names you were before.”

“alright, that is fine with me. is there anything else you need to explain to me? i want to know how you’re going to work yourself now. if i ever misgender you, _please,_ yell at me for it.”

“well, uh, even now, i’m still the same chaewon that you know, i just go by they/them now. i’d prefer if you called me your partner instead of your girlfriend now though. and to the rest of our friendship group, just let them figure it out by themselves. i want to be comfortable in my own body, and now that i’ve finally figured out what _that_ means, i’m finally comfortable now. i’m still the same dumb lesbian kim chaewon, that’s madly in love with their girlfriend kim minju.”

“ok, love, i’ll always be here for you, you’re my partner, my love, i told you, _“if you’re non-binary, or even trans, i’m not going to be mad you know. i may be a lesbian, but i’m always wiling to change if you’re uncomfortable in your own body”,_ i want you, to first and foremost, be comfortable in your own skin, and as your girlfriend! that is my duty!”

chaewon laughs at their girlfriend’s shenanigans. god, they’re so happy to have someone like _kim minju_ in their life.

“i love you, ju-ya.”

“i love you too, chae-unnie— oh, is that ok?”

“yes, minju, remember, i’ll _yell_ at you, if you say something wrong,” chaewon lightly warns, and minju chuckles nervously, “look, you’re trying, and this is only the start of this new arc in our story.”

“well, that’s _one_ way to put it.”

“it’s the _only_ way.”

“whatever you say, unnie.”

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/chaewonloml)   
>  [tumblr](https://chaeiz.tumblr.com)


End file.
